In Which Howl Loses a Ring and Gains an Apprentice
by ThinkingCAPSLOCK
Summary: How Michael's arrangements came to be.


**Chapter in which Howl Loses a Ring and Gains an Apprentice**

"Caaalcifer…" Howl called from the upper floor of the castle. "Caaalciferrr, dearrr…"

Calcifer shrank back into his logs, limiting his smoke to a mere wisp. He _knew_ that voice. Howl was _bored_. If Howl had been a normal person, this would have been quite manageable to Calcifer. But this was _Howl_. Howl _did things_ when he was bored.

Bad things.

"Caaalcifeeeer…" Howl began to prod at the logs with a forefinger. Calcifer couldn't burn Howl, of course—_but how he wished he could._

Calcifer sighed, then rose from the smoldering wood. "What? What do you want?" he asked in his best complaining voice.

"I'm _bored_, Calcifer," Howl said, brushing back a lock of silky blonde hair. "_Entertain_ me."

"Go play a card game," Calcifer snapped. "With _yourself_-unless you want me to eat them up!"

"I'm tired of playing solitaire," Howl whined, rolling his eyes. "I want something _exciting_. Let's go on an adventure!" He sprang to his feet, spreading his lavishly coated arms wide. "Take us to the Waste!"

"No!" Calcifer growled. "We're not going _there_, you silly fool."

"Why not?" Howl flashed the fiery sprite his best puppy-dog eyes, pouting slightly.

Calcifer flickered, disgusted. "Stop that! We're not going because it is not only _stupid_, but _dangerous_!"

"But I'm boooored…" Howl's gaze moved across the room, looking for something to hold his interest.

"Dye your hair a different colour, then," Calcifer replied.

"I've done that," Howl argued.

"So dye it a _different colour_."

"But I've dyed it _all the colours._" Howl fidgeted with one of his sparkly earrings. "_All of them,_ Calcifer. Do you know how hard it was to do that? But I did it. And now I can't do it again. So I'm boooreeed…"

"Make up another fake name for yourself and start a new business," Calcifer suggested. "Anything. Just something that's _away from me_."

Howl sighed a sigh filled with the long-suffering angst of a thousand rebellious teenagers. "But I've done that, too."

"Make up a new spell."

"I did that yesterday."

"Go eat a few hearts," Calcifer crackled. "You could use some."

"Mm," Howl replied absently. "I did that yesterday, too. A couple angry family members attacked me with rolling pins…"

"So don't get caught this time."

"Where's the fun in it if I'm not caught?" Howl began fiddling idly with his collar.

"Open another door to some new place. You still have colours you haven't used _there_, at least."

"That sounds like work."

"Then sit there and rot!" Calcifer roared, filling the fireplace in an instant. Howl stumbled back, falling over a stool. By the time he had righted himself, Calcifer had retreated back into the logs.

Howl turned the stool back to its original position and sat down. He watched the smoke rise for a few minutes, blowing it into intricate shapes. Eventually, he grew tired of this, too.

"Caaalciferrr…" Howl started again. "Caaalcifeeeeerrr…"

"No! Go away!" Calcifer flicked a forked tongue between the woodpile, trying to bat Howl's prodding finger away.

"Caalcifer…" Howl sang. "Callllciiiifer…"

"Stop that! Stop calling my name!" Calcifer scolded, dreading the possibility that Howl may have found a new hobby.

A new hobby pestering Calcifer.

"But Caaallciffffer," Howl said, trying out yet another name combination, "I—"

BANG.

Calcifer rose up from the logs, leaning out the grate to look at the door. "Someone's trying to get in."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Howl asked excitedly. "Is it an intruder?" He grinned, wanting very much to participate in an epic battle.

"I didn't tell you because I honestly didn't think he would get in," Calcifer replied honestly. "And I think he might be the boyfriend of one of your victims."

"Oh! I love those!" Howl said, nearly trembling in anticipation. "Let him in, Calcifer! Let him in!"

Calcifer rolled his flaming eyes. The door clicked open and a boy tumbled in.

"That was—difficult!" he panted, trying to pull himself upright on the banister. "You really should—"

"En garde!" Howl quickly snatched a rolled up from the messy table, pointing it at the boy's heart. "For the sake of your lover, we must fight to the death!"

"We—_what_? No! I'm—I'm Michael!" the boy replied. "I'm here to—" Michael was cut off by the sudden presence of dusty parchment in his mouth. "Phff! Stop that!"

"Fight me!" Howl said, smacking him with the paper. "Fight me!"

"No!" Michael brushed the paper away. "I'm looking for the Wizard Howl!"

"That's me," Howl said, lowering the roll to his side. "What of it? Are you a messenger from the king? Because I'm not doing that spell again. _I_ don't even use that spell."

"What are you talking about?" Michael snapped. "I'm here because—because I want to be your apprentice!"

"My what?" Howl tossed the map back to the desk. "_Why_? No. Go home." He turned around, waving his hand dismissively. "I don't take apprentices."

"Howl," Calcifer whispered, coming out from his hiding spot. "You said you were bored. This would give you something to do."

"No! I don't take apprentices!" Howl stormed up the stairs, the delicately embroidered arms of his suit flapping behind him as he went.

"But I—" Michael began, taking no notice of Calcifer in the fireplace.

Calcifer sunk back into the flames. "I wouldn't bother him if I were you. He's likely to slime up the place if you rile him up too much."

"I had heard he was strange, but this is—" Michael stopped, staring wildly at the faintly smouldering logs. "Is…is someone there?"

"No. Just logs," Calcifer replied.

"S-show yourself!" Michael commanded. Reluctantly, Calcifer flickered back up. "Demon!"

"Oh, and you're such a great person." Calcifer crackled indignantly. "You don't just come into people's castles demanding to be taught, you know."

"Then…how am I supposed to get him to teach me?" Michael questioned. "He hates me already."

Calcifer looked at the boy thoughtfully. "No, he's just acting."

"_Acting?_" Michael repeated, shocked.

"He wants to be persuaded. Flattered. Won over. He's very vain, you know," Calcifer said. "He wants to be _wanted_. That doesn't just apply to women, you know."

"I had heard he was heartless, but…this is something else."

"You don't know the half of it!" Calcifer replied, snapping a few dried twigs and shoving them into his own flickering face.

"How do I win him over?" Michael asked, pulling the stool close to the hearth and sitting.

"You're asking me?" Calcifer crunched loudly. He paused. "Well, I do have this." Calcifer moved back, allowing Michael to inspect the ashes more closely.

"A…a ring?" Michael said, touching the gold band. "Ouch!"

"Don't _touch it_!" Calcifer exclaimed. "It's been in the fire, fool! Anyway, I took it off his finger when he was poking me earlier."

"He was—he was _poking you_? Why?"

Calcifer shrugged. "Even magicians get bored."

"If I give him this ring, will he let me stay?"

"No," Calcifer said.

"Then why did you show it to me?"

Calcifer shrugged again. "Who knows?"

"You live here, don't you? How come he lets _you_ stay?"

"I wouldn't recommend it," Calcifer said.

"Recommend what?"

"Anyway, it's not so much _will he let you stay_ as _do you want to stay_. He probably won't notice even if you don't move in."

"So…I can stay?"

"I'll let you stay," Calcifer said. "Even if he throws you out, just run up to the door and I'll let you in. I run this castle."

"Impressive," Michael said, standing. "Can I…explore?"

"Wait!" Calcifer snapped as Michael moved to leave. "Take the ring with you."

"Why?" Michael said, quickly flicking it away from the heat and into a handkerchief.

"Just take it, kid," Calcifer sunk back into the shadows, hoping that maybe having a new face around would get Howl to finally leave him alone.

"I thought I told you I didn't want an apprentice," Howl said, pushing a large bauble from one side of his desk to the other.

Michael shrieked and nearly slammed the door. He hadn't expected to find the wizard so soon—in fact, he hadn't expected the castle to be _so small_. It was barely more than a few rooms in total!

"Buuut," Howl continued, never lifting his eyes from the shiny trinket, "if you could find me something I lost, I may let you live here. _Maybe_."

"What did you lose?" Michael asked.

"I can't tell you," Howl said. "That'd be cheating. Find it anyway."

"That's stupid," Michael protested. "How can I look for something when I don't even know what you've lost?"

"Then _don't_ become my apprentice!" Howl snapped back. "_I'm_ not the one looking for a job. I have plenty of those. Too many, really."

Michael rolled his eyes. "Oh, look. I found it," he said in monotone, pulling out the faintly charred handkerchief and offering it out to the moody wizard.

Howl leapt to his feet, blue eyes wide. "You found it! However did you find it? How? You must tell me!" He tried to snatch it from the boy, but Michael expertly closed his hand and whipped it away. "Was it a finding spell? How did you know?"

"Let me become your apprentice," Michael demanded.

Howl frowned. "You drive a hard bargain, you know."

"Howl…" Michael warned. He had begun to understand Calcifer's attitude. He had begun to understand how to handle Howl.

Howl sighed. "I could…I could let you stay in the castle… And maybe, when I had free time, I could… I could give you a few magic lessons or something…"

"Agreed." Michael dropped the ring into Howl's hand. "You can't go back on this, you know!"

"I know," Howl replied glumly. "I hate being tied down, you know." He slipped the ring back on his finger.

"How did you even notice it was gone?"

"It was given to me by a special person," Howl replied, regarding his ring carefully. "A long time ago. I remember these things. Sometimes the little moments are the most important."

"Howl," Michael said, shocked. "You…you almost sounded _adult_ for a moment."

"I _am_ an adult," Howl replied.

"Really? I had sort of thought that you had accidentally knocked over a growth charm and—"

"_I am an adult_," Howl repeated. "Get out of my room before I change my mind. And just so we're clear, you're _not_ my apprentice. You live here and I teach you, but you're _not my apprentice._"

"Uh huh," Michael replied. "I'm going to go unpack in my room, okay? I'm taking over the one next to you!" Before Howl could protest, Michael dashed out and slammed the door.

Howl shuffled back to his desk and slumped in his chair.

He really _did_ hate being tied down.


End file.
